Ask the Teachers October 2013 – Busy Mom

Dear Teachers,

Sometimes at pick up time, my child does not want to come with me. Can you have them ready for me so we can go quickly without all the fuss?     Busy Mom

Dear Busy,

The short answer is, sure, we can pack them up physically. However, there are learning opportunities for both parent and child in forming a routine that aids in developing their emotional intelligence that is crucial as your child grows. We help to teach even our youngest children that the only behavior we can change is our own – whether it involves helping a baby in the Cuddler room learn to soothe themselves for nap, a Munchkin coping with toys being grabbed away or a preschooler who cannot understand why classmates leave them out of play when they often respond by hitting. The answer lies in understanding and respecting developmental needs and daily experiences from their viewpoint. The following ideas might help your child in responding positively at pick up time.
* Does your child know who is picking them up? Children like to know what they will be doing next. Behavior issues can occur when someone they were not expecting arrives.
* Does your child know when they will be picked up? If you tell them or us a specific time, please observe it or let us know it has changed.
* Is your child aware of any appointments, classes, or circumstances after they are picked up that could cause them worry?

The following ideas might help you as a parent if you want their cooperation.

* When you come into their classroom, what do you do?

A. Give them your full attention and excited smile?
B. Allow yourself enough time to make it a positive transition?
C. Finish your cell phone call as you greet them?
D. Talk at length with other parents or their teachers?

A. is a great greeting to get them running into your arms: make it worth their while to stop what they are doing. They have been waiting all day to see your smiling face, share their stories with you and get a hug, cuddle or kiss.

B. is another great strategy: shelve your own agenda and get down to hug them and engage them in conversation at their level while gathering their belongings. Yes, even if they are still cooing and youʼre having a one-sided conversation.
C. is troublesome: when you continue your call, you model inattention, sending the message that they are less important than your call. Your child may return that message by ignoring what you are asking them to do in a sort of power struggle.
D. is problematic: when you talk to other adults, the same inattention be true. Children can feel disrespected and undervalued – less important than the adult you are with. They are so looking forward to their time at home with you and are anxious to get started. Also, when you talk to teachers, they may become apprehensive – or imagine consequences for a daytime issue.
Life is busy for everyone – parents, children and staff. We all need to respect this amazing time in the lives of our children and enjoy this journey alongside them. For more information, you may enjoy the reading the classics Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and The Hurried Child by David Elkind.