Dear Teachers,
My child confuses me. I never know if I will have a problem in the morning or evening during drop off or pick up. When I come early as a surprise, my child seems unwilling to go with me or expects my spouse. Some families never seem to have this problem. Any ideas?
– Tired of Struggling
Dear Struggling,
Although every family has had a difficult morning or evening, there are those for whom it looks simple. What seems easy is a well-crafted and established routine. What’s their secret? Ask them; they will gladly share their story. The common thread in successful transitions is a consistent routine with firm behavior expectations for arrival and departure – and the child is happily meeting them.
So how can you do that, too? If you awaken late, discover an illness, someone is traveling, etc. you could be headed for a challenging morning arrival without a routine to see you through. Your time together in the car is their transition time from home routine to school routine just as you will begin your mental transition to work after dropping them off. Talk about what might happen at school, the weather, and any final instructions, such as a change in the end of the day routine.
Example: “I packed cheese for lunch and look, I see your teacher’s car. Nanna’s going to pick you up today so I will meet you later at home.”
In general, the drop-off routine should be brief, satisfying to your child and center on direct interaction between you. Information for the teacher can be handwritten, emailed or phoned so that important information is not lost or forgotten. Your focus must center on your child’s activities to ready themselves for their day. ITC children have a limited ability to help with belongings while Pre-K children are mostly capable of removing their outerwear, hanging it up and stowing their lunch box. The sense of competence this gives your child (and the verbal reward they receive from you for accomplishing it) sets a positive tone for their day. After a quick hug, kiss, wave from the window or whatever your child likes or needs to feel good about the coming separation, they are ready begin their day.
Here are a few devices that have worked for families we’ve known. Make the trip to and from school positively interactive:
* Sing a song together in the car on the way to school (henceforth to be known in family folklore as “the school song” regardless of its original title)
* Tell each other things that you will do during the day to talk about later.
* Tell jokes or stories, play word games, rhyming games, notice signs, weather, etc.
Once at school:
* Suggest they eat breakfast, join a friend in the room or ask what they’ll do first.
* Decide on a set number of hugs, kisses, waves, secret handshakes, etc. before leaving.
* Leave at the end of the routine. Remain in control and know they’ll be fine.
The end of the day is equally important. Please keep in mind:
* You are both tired from a busy day that may have had its frustrations.
* Errands, classes, cooking, laundry, tomorrow’s meeting, etc. may be on your mind.
* Nothing else matters to them at this all important reunion time.
* Make a conscious effort to focus on them, their work, their words, and their feelings. It is important to find out from them how they spent their time at school.
You will have a cooperative child if they know they have the full attention of the one they love most at the end of each day.
